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Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction |  | Author: Patrick J. Carnes
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
Category: Book
List Price: $16.95
Buy New: $7.98
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Seller: Amazon.com
Rating:  70 reviews
Sales Rank: 4271
Media: Paperback
Edition: 3
Pages: 240
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 5.3 x 0.5
ISBN: 1568386214
Dewey Decimal Number: 616.8583
EAN: 9781568386218
ASIN: 1568386214
Publication Date: May 1, 2001
Availability: Usually ships in 24 hours
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Product Description
This breakthrough work, the first to describe sexual addiction, is still the standard for recognizing and overcoming this destructive behavior. With insight and sensitivity, Dr. Patrick Carnes outlines how to identify a sexual addict, recognize the way others may unwittingly become complicit or codependent, and change the patterns that support the addiction.
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 70
 Very Helpful February 3, 2005
Niki Collins Queen (Forsyth, Georgia USA)
113 out of 115 found this review helpful
"Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes is one of the best books on sexual addiction. Carnes says sexaholism transcend personality, gender, and socio-economic status. He defines sexual addiction as having a pathological relationship with sex and using it as a mood-altering drug. His descriptions of the symptoms, the three levels of addictions, and the progression through the four-part cycle of preoccupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behavior and despair are excellent.
Carnes also deals with the sex addicts underlying dynamics such as a faulty self-image, and believing that sex is their most important need. Carnes describes how some addicts appear grandiose and full of exaggerated self-importance to create a front of "normalcy," and hide their addiction and poor self-esteem. He says the addict's family and friends often become angry and frustrated with the addict's "egocentricity" and insensitivity to others. Since guilt and remorse cannot be expressed the addict may become progressively more isolated and unreachable as they close off their vulnerability.
Carnes states that since the addict feels unloved and unlovable they have little confidence in the love of others and become calculating, manipulative and ruthless. They are purposely unclear about their intentions in relationship and are seductive in their behavior. Addicts also have a high need to control all situations in an effort to guarantee their sexual supply and ensure all possible sexual opportunities.
To get help Carnes recommends SA's 12 Step Program. He says the Program helps the addict to, "separate themselves as individuals from their addiction which, as a powerful illness, is destroying their lives. By admitting the addictions power, hope emerges from connecting with others and Higher Power. The fellowship of the Program surrounds participants with people who have suffered in the same way. They no longer feel unique. They trust and are trusted with personal secrets."
Carnes says the Program teaches the addict that they do not need the addiction to survive, but will need the Program because of the addictions power. When the addict recognizes how powerless and unmanageable they are over their addiction, they start to live a life which focuses on human relationships as opposed to sex.
Carnes points out how members of the Program continue to learn about the process through teaching others. He says sex addicts can become responsive and responsible members of the human community.
This book really helped! December 30, 1999
69 out of 70 found this review helpful
When I needed to understand and learn more about sexual addiction, this book was there with quality information. It gave me the basics. I have since read three books on the subject of sexual addiction and Out of The Shadows is my favorite; the only one that helped me to better understand this addiction (which I previously did not know existed). The book is simple to read and is informative. I could not put it down as it kept my full attention - I read it in just a few hours. If you or your sex addict friend or family member is not big into religion and may have trouble with 12-Step programs, this book does not get "heavily" into that; rather it outlines the basics - what you need to know and understand. Thank you Dr. Carnes for this informative book.
Carnes is able to get right inside the addicts head. February 3, 1999
49 out of 49 found this review helpful
Carnes has completely captured the mind of the sexual addict in minute detail. Disecting each and every action and thought explaining the reasons for and behind the behavior. For 22 years I lived and was married to a sexual addict and didn't know. I was in total denial. Finding out was the biggest shock and not knowing what to do. I was fortunate enough to be told about Patrick Carnes' book. I purchased the book online (so I wouldn't suffer the embarrassment of asking for it in a bookstore) and couldn't put it down. To be able to understand in a small way the "why" of my husbands behavior allows me to not feel so guilty or in some way responsible for his behavior. I never thought a book on this subject could be called fascinating--but it is just that. Each and every paragraph had something in it that hit home. He completely is able to analyze this behavior and explain the reasons without making the addict or co-addict feel less of a person. Although my husband and I are separated, I plan on passing this book on to him as he feels he can't beat this addiction. I am hoping this book will help him as it did me, to understand.
An easy read for evaluation of behavior. July 7, 1999
33 out of 33 found this review helpful
This pioneering effort by Patrick Carnes describes a four stage cycle of addiction which builds the addictive patterns. These steps are: 1) preoccupation, 2) ritualization, 3) compulsive sexual behavior, and 4) despair. Carnes defines these levels of addiction. The benefit to the reader is that it is an easy read for self-evaluation and/or for evaluating another's behavior. These stages or levels are conceptualized in terms of behavior, cultural standards, legal consequences, the victim's and the public's opinion of the addiction.The recovery process is connected to the diminishment of negative core beliefs with the replacement of positive core beliefs. The impact on and the recovery of the co-addict are defined with the starting point being that of acceptance of Step I --- being powerless.
Partners of Addicts can benefit from this book! May 9, 1997
24 out of 24 found this review helpful
Sexual addiction has a profound impact on the partners and families of the addict. The road to recovery is a long hard journey as Dr. Carnes points out. For the partner of an addict, this book helps you understand that what you've been living with is NOT about you. You come to realize that this is a disease just as alcoholism is a disease. You learn what it's about, how it can progress if not treated and how recovery is a possibility. You also learn about co-addiction and the role you play in this insidious addiction.
This book was a lifesaver for me and put me on the road to recovery from my own co-addiction.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 70
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